Paul Hedderman-6-9-17

The message is going to that window it's not going to you because the talk about bigger mind to you goes nowhere yeah but if I talk to bigger mind about you it can go somewhere but if I keep talking to you about Minds it doesn't go freaking anywhere you think you know mind and knowing mind

is like the booby prize because being mind is the only opportunity we really have yeah being bigger mind being being being awareness it's not knowing awareness it's not studying awareness it's being we only have one opportunity about what we are and that is to be what we are and I'm always saying we are being what we are right now and the way we're fearing is we're believing a lot of shit that's

not yeah so we're taking false evidence to pure real so I didn't talk to delay and people came up to the guy who's working the door and they kept saying you know everything this guy says goes over my head so the guy came up to me after the talk and brought that up and I said yes that's where I'm aiming you know I'm throwing it over your head I'm not throwing at you

because it goes fuck you know that yeah you saw thinking you know something and that's the biggest impediment to being what you are is trying to know what you want so this it's sort of like you ever see that Buddha with a thousand arms yes and so the mental state has about a thousand mints on those thousand arms and everything that's thrown in its direction or any direction it catches it and claims it

and noon is it yet so the mental state so it's like the Death Star in Star Wars it's shooting down all the fighter planes yeah or like it's like a spiritual sperm yeah so the message the sharing and repeating it is like spiritual sperm you're trying to go only one we make it yeah but only one has to hit the egg of mind for the egg of mine to conceive a possibility

and possibility is simply I'm not that as soon as it entertains the possibility that it's not what it's not it can it can entertain I can be free from if you if you're in the act of being identified as what you're not the only way your head can entertain freedom is as that that's the bondage of self yeah if you're identified as what you're not you're entertained being free as what you're not when

the freedom is from one you're not and if what you're not is not how long will the freedom from it take to occur the freedom from it is always available it's like there's a great statement by rama de mihashi that I believe explains a lot to me it's like the first conception of the mental state which is a presupposing of a non-existent thing that wants to get salvation for the non-existent thing a presupposing

it's not it's a beautiful way of saying it because supposing or assuming something does it make it so right so but in the assumption when the mentalist state assumes you're a body yeah it presupposes you are a body so suddenly consciousness is occurring and then the mental idea that if there's you comes after but when entertained that you is implied to be before and now you think you're conscious you think you're doing consciousness

then you think you can improve consciousness but in fact if you look at it consciousness is not volitional yeah you know what I can't choose not to see something with my eyes open at that window whatever goes by I'm going to see it now I can say I didn't want to see it after I saw it but I can't not see it yeah if my eyes are directed that way and I'm

not taking any scene classes ever in my life I did not join any class where I try to become better at see ya it was just the same thing with hearing and feeling and tasting and touching none of that experience demonstrates any thought of effort to be what it is because it isn't doing consciousness it's being conscious but if there's a presupposing that you as this action figure are the one who's conscious I guarantee

you the sense you're going to have is you're unconscious most of the fucking time and therefore from that sense of unconsciousness you'll want to become more conscious yeah and therefore a consciousness as an always available state now becomes a particular attribute you can have and you can lose that's the claiming of it that's what the mental state does the mental state appears after it implies as before so they're presupposing a non-existent thing and then

wanting to getting salvation for the non-existent thing then these further states that if your spiritual practices themselves are reinforcing the non-existent thing how can they destroy the non-existent so that which you believe is being used to destroy the non-existent thing is actually reinforcing the non-existent things that's basically up no shits Greek women because how are you going to how are you going to do yourself out of being the doer if you're not the doer

how are you going to think yourself out of thinking if you're not the thinker come on in then find exactly what is that so if you want to see the first movement of the mental state and if you don't see it you're going to be looking from it really so the first movement is to claim whatever it comes in contact with it doesn't provide the contact consciousness does but it claims whatever it comes

in contact with so it's B comes in contact with consciousness and now it states that it's the one's conscious it becomes conscious of seeing and now it interprets that as being the seer it becomes conscious of hearing and now it interprets it as being the hero it becomes conscious of actions and now its intent now it uses it to imply an actor yeah that's the activity of the bondage of self and the bondage

of self is an activity it's not so it can only seem to be so - what is so yeah that's why I use the term selfie because it's an activity so if you look at it it's the act of being identified as a cell now the way it sounds is the verb is the act of being identified and then there's a down fold self but it's Oliver yeah the verb is there's

an act of being identified as a noun there is no noun to be identified with but there's an act of being identified as a noun and it's just like have you ever gone to a hospital where there's like there's a ward that people that cannot stop running written yeah let's say they're just running for fucking day yeah most times you're doing something that seems to be a stopping point you can stop running

yeah but if what if what if the bondage of self was - a real thing there would be a hopeless condition of mind and body but what's happening is the bondage is an activity you're believing the story that you're the figure of the feel of the touch of the taster and in that believing it it seems to be freaking so if there's not if the believing is moved away from it it will

see not to be so not because it changed this color because you saw it differently the same thing the same thing can be false evidence or could be false evidence appearing real it's the same evidence it's you and I it's like the movie isn't that good is the audience that makes it fucking so we're the Dreaming here we're not the dream art where the dreaming it's an activity so if you see something as

an activity the possibility that it can stop becomes available if you keep calling it you you'll try to stop every freaking thing else but if you see it itself as an activity it can stop the effects of the something so when people get introduced to this idea this is what I usually get they call me up or the text me or whatever and they say oh I've been watching myself selfing all day

that's not the self in the selfing is the fearing of being the one who's watching the selfie or they say the selfie has been driving me crazy that's not the selfing the selfing is the sense of being the one who's been driven crazy that's the bondage of self the bondage of self is that you take yourself to be SL is it so no and it seems to be so yes where can it

seem to be so in time would it seem to be so in timelessness no fucking one in time it can seem to be so so if you know its movements maybe you'll catch the heist before the heist because before the eyes before the bondage disk that's the freedom the freedom is not that which comes after the bondage the freedom from the bondage of self is an inherent fact you are free completely you

can all you may seem not to be but it does it make it so and you can seem not to be free here but does that make you not free no the freedom is not an afterthought from the bondage it's a prior miss you're inherently free of the bondage of self so what would you do to get rid of it or to get out of a non-existent thing absolutely nothing if you

saw it as non-existent and would you have to go back to make sure it was still non-existent if it was non-existent well you have to kill it over and over and over again of course not something would be seen through and it would be seen through now do you remember it it's not about me remembering it it's about the feeling a sense of it yeah the sense felt nasaan incessantly and then you suddenly

start recognizing you as an activity not as someone who's doing activities that all there is is verbing here there is no noun to be found here everything is verbing verbing verbing verbing Bourbons everything is selfing the freedom is not a freedom it's free you're free you're free you're free and then when you've seen not to be free it's a seeming not to be free in freedom free seemingly never makes it so the selfing

can never produce a self that which is verbing is never going to coagulate and finally come out of the river of verbing and turn into a noun it's all a freakin story it's believed or not if it's believed you're going to travel you have a heavy it's not believed you'll travel lighter and if you start traveling lighter that's all see if you had contentment now you wouldn't look at what the word enlightenment has

done to most people it's fucked them up really badly it would they would have been better off they never heard of enlightenment and then awakening did another number on people and then not intentionally but people sharing an event they call awaiting has driven fucking people crazy because it excludes them immediately so if someone woke up in like aisle 4 of Walmart when a Costa fell off the third level the shell people actually try

to reproduce some situations with the hope that the awakening will happen to them it doesn't happen what's happening all the time never fucking happens it's a story what's happening all the time can never stop happening to happen if this seems the dawn on you one of the things that downloads completely is it's always been this way basically nothing ever happened everything is happening yet nothing ever happened the only thing that's forever happening is what we

are nothing else is forever happening you stop trying to recognize yourself as something and then you see everything as version yeah so my sense is by seeing what your not and you can study self because it's not you you cannot study what you are it's impossible all you can do is be what you are but you can study what you're not you can learn about what you're not with the hope that it

will distill into one fucking hit which is I'm not that and as soon as you see what you're not you'll find out what you are and it's always available at all times right where we are with no requirement necessary to meet it other than the ones you believe so you can see the claiming of the mental state and to me the mental process is memories perceptions thoughts yes the memories all our files

picturing you as a body somewhere else at some other time yes the thoughts always picture you as a body when your thought about your pictured as a body if you're thinking about you five years ago you're pictured as a button if you're worrying about what's going to happen to you eight years from now that's another form of remembering yourself as a body yeah so there is you're remembering yourself as a body in the

past you remember yourself as a body in the future and then you actually have a remembrance of yourself now as a body all the preoccupation with yesterday tomorrow is to produce one effect right now which is you taking yourself to be a body once that reference is in place everything that you see is given direction from that false reference once you take a step out and believe you took that step out and then

you believe you can take a step back in you're not going fuck in anyone you're just going to do a little one to to do it to do and some of the worst thing is is when people think they had an awakening to make lost which is unbelievable fucking mental torture you know I mean because of course you're written written into the story that you must have done something to lose it therefore

you must have believed you had done something to have it yeah that can go on is the niacin so what happens thoughts your thoughts don't affect me one bit really but the same thoughts you're entertaining if they're entertain is my thoughts they suddenly have a huge amount of power over me where is it is it from the thoughts is that the source of power or is it the mind and what is the

mind but in activity yes you're taking the thoughts to be about you you're the thing rhythm that's where the power lives and thoughts that power thoughts have the thoughts are like an empty fucking pickup truck the way they bring into your life is not from the pickup truck it's what puts shit in the pickup truck is the mind the identification has the thinker or the thought about that's where all the weight is that's

the weight that gets distributed so all the thoughts each one of them it's sort of like a herd of donkeys yeah and the tail that's put on all the dung keys which is a pointer is the mine so let's say this is a bottle no problem yeah now I can look at it as my bottle and suddenly the bottle is being used to point at the one who has the bottom yeah

so here's a thought just like this but buh-buh-bah then it's held called me my thought suddenly the thoughts start pointing at the finger all day all day the claiming of being a self has to constantly be reinforced because it has no ground to stand on its highest level is appearance it can only appear to be so so thousands of thoughts are going by and they're all seemingly being pinned with this donkey tail

that they're yours so now all the thoughts are being used to point to the thinker all the feelings tons of different feelings are happening with no volition whatsoever on your part but they're still being claimed to be your feelings yeah and then the actions are the most difficult one because we in this place you do not get convicted by thought but you get convicted by actions so I did have a thought 100 times

I hate my girlfriend yeah but if I say it that one time she's never gonna forget nor are friends after she calls them all yeah so I get tattooed by the action but the action was compelled by what thought what could a thought how could a thought have so much compelling effect other than me believing in it I know people in San Quentin a prison where I knew where I live that killed

people in a blackout so they're arrested a whole life it's totally determined by an act I can't even remember this is what happens every one of us is millions and zillions of thoughts they come through us and many very rarely do they actually compel an action but when they do compel an action they express the life through us they extend by having an effect like I got ran over twice in one night by

a car 37 years ago yeah I don't you remember the event but its effects have lasted for 37 years it's affected this action figure for 37 years now that thought that drove me to go back to that bar after I had left was definitely packed with a huge wallop in the fist of mine I was believing the thoughts I was believing a huge party had erupted at a bar where no one

was at on a freezing Sunday night in Long Island New York I believed it compelled me to get into my car hoping I was going to meet a babe but I needed meta Chevy Monte Carlo got run over twice and my old life has been affected by that know how many millions of thoughts I had just like that thought but that's what was composed not followed but preceded by my it had a

lot of believability and it propelled an action that left an effect a long long time that's what's happening every day how are you going to have immunity to thought as a thinker which is just the thought itself there's no way you have to have an immunity system outside the system yeah and what you art is outside all systems your awareness the activity of being aware right now everything because everything comes after you nothing

precedes you nothing there's no seer of the scene there is no fucking seer of the scene as seen come on in you're right see you he was thinking better of it but he came in I watched the whole event so if I once I started to see if this happened to me in a a about my 90th sobriety I used to lead a class in in this process called inventory process and there

was came out of a chapter called how it works so I read it many times I led these classes for about 16 years but at that point had been doing for seven years and I had read this quest the sentence tons of times and I got an a meaning out of it but something had happened and I saw it in a new light and it's this little sentence it says being convinced

and that's a beautiful thing because it not it isn't I was convinced or I will be convinced if the act of being convinced in other words I was in the act of being convinced not I had conviction I was in the act of being convinced that self manifested in various ways and self I implied that long liked the feeling of being a long-lasting independent separate entity yeah a thing yeah that self manifested in

various ways is what had defeated us yeah such a beautiful statement because in this state that it's saying self is sort of like a foreign installment or a parasitical movement or something and it has defeated and where the us yeah so self manifested in all these different ways is what has defeated us if you're convinced of that we will now look at selves common manifestations and then the next paragraph it says resentment yeah

so if you study it if you look at the logic of it it says that resentment or fear and these other manifestations or self are expressions of self in one's life and yet when you hear people talk about it they talk about it as their resentments and their fears yeah so that's the act of being identified that the self it's all words if someone describes manifestation of stanley's in my life and yet

I share about those bad and I call them mine I must be in the act of being identified as Stanley yeah if something is producing effects that are moving through me and when they're coming through me I call them mine I must be identified as something that I'm not that's the bondage yourself you are claiming it's expressions as yours how are you ever going to get out of something how is self ever going

to get out of self and how can there be a freedom from self itself can never get out of so the only way is to see you're not in so yeah the only way to get out of an imaginary place is to realize it's imaginary one movement implies it's reality so you can't move out of it because there's no get to move out oh yeah it doesn't take any time to get out

of where you're not in so the solution isn't found through time it's a timeless always available possibility yeah you see how beautiful is this solution so from the problem you need a solution but if this solution is entertaining it reveals the problem is inactivity there's no need for a solution because applying a solution would be an activity so you see it's an activity and then there's no need for a solution that's the solution you'll left

with exactly what is nothing that is nothing subtractive it's so beautiful because you're irrelevant in it basically it's not based on you this condition is not based on your condition that's so beautiful is your condition can be affected by outside things this is the this is the outside and the inside this is the context yeah the bowl can receive so many different soup never never get stained by any of them yeah we're like the

sky allows everything to appear in it yet nothing that appears that affects it that's what mine is like bigger mine pristinely untouched the greatest most heinous things that you believe you did here have left no more on it there's no need for forgiveness because nothing ever fucking really happened what a beautiful beautiful solution then having absolutely no need for a solution what incredible gift and to be free from the need to be liberated and

in a weird sense this is much more approachable by lack of interest than it is by interest it's much more available when you have absolutely no interest in its availability it becomes in sparse and infrequent when you're interested in fighting but when you have no interest in it now I'm telling you I add that to the zero interest in what people go spirituality zero zilch none I have interest in finding a good latte or

getting a pair of pants but I have no interest in finding what I am that's a pointless endeavor and the funny thing is when you realize you're not an individual you'll be more of an individual completely because all these little prefabricated mental ideas will be believed the fucking plant will be released from the pot the fucking mental part yeah and its really lack of interest which is the presence to me the presence is undirected

interest and attention basically it's not being directed by the mental state so it's hovering like a weather front and you sense it almost like a weather front it's like a cloud that doesn't get blown by the wind or move by the currents yeah it's a cloud wherever you are and to me it's interest undirected interest and attention you have plenty of interest and attention to deal with what's available to do in the day yeah

but ninety-nine percent of the interest can be rested in but you're not going to rest in a when the interest attention is sent out on chores all day yeah is usually going to the store of yesterday and tomorrow the fucking bring back a mirror of you as a body so that you can fucking stare at it all day that interested attention is dead it's like plucking a slave to a dead fuck

an idea it's not enriching your day some slaving you in a day so think of thinking feeling acting much different is we used to do this thing all the time put money up here put relationships up here put sex up here everyone it would engender a meeting and everybody okay someone you think your conditions are in those areas now you could waive them we weighed them all together in this room maybe it would come out

to be about 4 pounds of interest yeah all right I'm going to change the whole word by not changing any of the letters my money it's an obvious one I wish all of you have tons of money but I don't we should have any of my money yeah what's the difference my not money relationships yeah relationships my relationship Jesus Christ I've written like 800 block pages of blogging on my revision help my

help it's hugely different isn't it that's what's happening all day everyone's looking at what comes after see what seemingly before which is the mind that's our role here in the dreaming we're giving everything all the meaning it has through the mind that's the soul sing if you see through that and there's just money health and relationships you'll travel light it through all the topics of this life and if you travel light it for a

while that's probably all you ever really want it because you'll lose interest and everything else that promises eternal lightness and shit like that I'd rather have a contentment now than a future fucking enlightenment I would much more valuable so yeah that's really about it I guess I'm all in but I'm a believer that the message can be repeated because it's not a dissertation so it can be repeated because we'll find ourselves it's like the

minds like a lazy susan with a lot of openings you never know what day you'll hit the right where that one spiritual sperms will conceive the idea in mind and mind will entertain the possibility I'm not that instead of you trying to entertain the possibility of mom like that and I'm not that has it gone anywhere has it gone anywhere the I'm not that having an understanding that it's I'm not that really has

it when the shit hits the fan the understandings not there but if what you are and attains what it's not something can happen yes yeah beautiful how it gets dude it is by us trying to get it yeah when what you're not once to find out about what it's not it's not going to go anywhere it's lack of interest it's not interest interest is the biggest deterrent that's why I could look around this

room and I could turn my room by over to not everyone in this room but a lot of you and you do a better job with it that I would because there's way too much vested interest in this situation really and its really I'll tell you I'll give you an example and I very well-intentioned I've had trouble with the digestion since I was young and so I was always seeking some relief and

I tried many things nothing seemed to really work and so there's this stuff they were selling at Whole Foods where was came from Canada came in these little bottles of probiotic it was like 48 dollars for a six-pack so every week I bought one and for about a year so like a lot of money after a while and for about a year I'm taking this and I'm thinking am I feeling better

and I try to coax myself that they're feeling better but nothing really had changed much so I decided to send my shit to this laboratory called Smoky Mountain labs in Tennessee famous in the new-age world and they would send you a kit and they send you a thing to check what you wanted them to look for so of course everyone always checks parasites yeah but I was checking all this stuff so I said

then I was really excited to get the returns yes I've been spending I went out for $48 worth of this stuff again and I get the returns I'm looking at it no parasites you go wow that's great then I look at all right what what percentage and I would have now put at least 80 trillion beneficial intestinal flora in a very small area if you stretch the colon must be 12 feet so

that's a lot of fucking citizenry and you would think the country would change yeah I look at the thing it says signs of intestinal flora beneficial 0.00 no absolutely no sign of all this shit I was pouring in there for two years and then it says the next thing says this tooth is - bacteria that are residing in you got that love beneficial flora so I was catering a gourmet meal this is bacteria

all the while thinking I'm mixed I'm working hard to get better I'm feeding a fucking problem ha ha ha that could happen here and what is that fuck fucking self-interest is that interest is incredible is what's directing it if the mental states directing it your interest intention can be used to enslave you if whatever you want to call it the spirit and of course it we call the holy spirit whatever you want to

call it if that's directing it you'll have an ease and comfort in the circumstances and situations you find yourself them it's the same energy it's just what's directs it the same energy that we all have our whole life right this moment is totally based on faith really we're believing this to be so and so it seems to be true just like the stock market is totally based on faith of the people who

are participating in it if enough people get fucking scared about it it collapses completely because it's all made up the whole thing yeah so people think they have to have faith but the idea that they have to have faith is a faith that they don't have faith business so their idea so faith is coal ways in action we're at where the effect of faith all the time and yet we're thinking that we're

corn like something I can have but it's actually having you yeah you're the effect or the the appearance faith faith is mind dreaming basically yeah so here's this faith so let's say faith is put into a failed thought system what's it going to produce with that Bell thought system tons of fucking anxiety about what's that happening yeah that same faith if directed to something other than thought system may be used to enrich your day

right now the exact same energy exactly completely the energy is neutral its what exponent that that's how it manifests if it's put into a sound system you're going to be worried so much about yesterday and tomorrow you won't seemingly be here right now that same energy if it's put into a trusting system which is not of self you're going to have an ease and comfort in your life even when it's uncomfortable and and

you're at unease but the course says you and I are the dreaming of the Dreaming we forget that were dreaming and in that condition we give everything with dreaming the be your power to affect us as the drunk that's everyone's dead here basically everyone here is dreaming and in this dreaming we're dreaming I don't like to say dream because that's there's no dream that's dreaming only so we are the dreaming of the dream

we forget that was really which is impossible but we can seemingly forget you know what it can appear to watch dreaming that it's forgotten its dream yeah that's the highest level I can get it cannot forget it's dreaming but it can seem to forget extreme yeah and it can only seem to forget it screaming in time in the Eternity of every moment there is no possibility that dreaming could get that extreme but in

time it can seem to forget that extremely once it seems to forget that screaming every suddenly everything that you're dreaming now has the ability of Dec to as the dreamt so one thought can ruin your weekend yeah you believe you're the owner of the thought and the thought owns you you believe you're the feel or the feeling now feelings on you it's amazing that and it's amazing not to see it if you see

it that's it that's the one quality it can never manufacture it can have a story that you are seeing and it can have a user that you will be seeing but it is not seeing now it's seen the activity that most of us are looking from can be seen from seeing you proceed it all but what it does it presupposes that it's you and your before the scene that you're the seer

that which comes after is implying this before that's the little charade you would believe that everything follows the way we see time but the mental state doesn't follow it in the mental state that was comes at they can seem to be before so it's an idea that you're a long-lasting independent separate entity that arises after consciousness or in consciousness and when you're attentive to it it implies it's before consciousness and now at that point

any time you went to tain freedom do you entertain freedom as that when the freedom is from it but if you try to get out of it as it you never get out of it if you keep trying to escape an imaginary place that's the biggest place yeah if you attempt to medicate yourself out of the meditator you're never going to fuckin do it the meditation comes after the process of being the

meditator the sense of being the meditator claims the meditation to reinforce the idea it's the meditator and none of us are quick enough to see that ice but what we are sees it completely but what we're not we'll never get to the point of being able to see it because what you're not is part of the process yeah what you are is before wal process that's the beauty of it you're not trying

to attain equality you're just recognizing like we say in a a an unsuspecting inner resource it doesn't mean it wasn't there it was just unsuspected yeah once it becomes possible it becomes obvious but first the possibility is what's keeping things at bay because our desire or any dry to be as we are which is free has been commandeered and now you're trying to be free as the non-existent thing not from the non-existent thing a

simple invitation you can feel it in the room and you don't even have to call it you it is you you don't have to try to echo it with any affirmation it can stand on its own yeah doesn't need to be talked doesn't need to be claimed it doesn't need need to be known it's available at all times right where you are rest yeah that's the appropriate response so I'm questions no any questions

Daniel explained nothing yes I think I did already but I thinking all right well everything is always happening therefore nothing ever happens I was happening I understand yes always happening so how could anything ever happen unless it something wasn't always happening if something if if there isn't anything that's always happening then a lot of shit could happen yeah but because something's always happening nothing can happen yeah well I'll just edit it out doesn't matter you

don't have to understand it actually that's the booby prize you've already been the spiritual subpoenas and served yeah you guys we've got it really the thing that needs to catch the message is what throws the message I'm telling you as the seeming throw or the message you caught the mess you blame it all on me yeah and remember don't confuse the message with the message if there's no one here who's fucking fewer as the

action figure everyone's 30 here yeah people make a mistake they believe what's the message that's moving through someone the person has obtained it or hazard if they believe they have it they can believe they lose it yeah this thing is always revealed to me since it started to happen as something moving through like water moving through a hose not one time did the host really it may have thought it was the water fuck

that this is just a fucking action figure if you follow me by 11 o'clock you'd be bored in the a.m. you would there's nothing special and I always say to people if you think someone special go to the bathroom after the event is not a good times everybody else they flip out in traffic if fucking giving the finger hooking out yes loving gaze doesn't mean a fucking thing not it's not an indication

with anything you're just a waste to being away that's it it's not it's actually quite ordinary if you were looking for something this ain't the fucking place to be really and people who know me they can I bet you they can shake with no question around it that they've got nothing from you fucking eight years semi and they pull off and they haven't seen me a long time anything new no nothing fucking

that's the same thing we don't have intensive we don't have retreats you don't have anything like that we don't have personal counseling nothing I have too much respected you for you you are you know it already yeah you don't need a ute and I just why would you want to go on intensive isn't today intense enough this place is the biggest freaking intensive why do we need to contrive it intensive this is insane of

you hey come on in honey we're almost over yeah it's a thing the thing is if you keep receiving nothing it actually shows itself to be everything and nothing is the gift that keeps on giving because there's no running out and if you collect a lot of something it's always going to add up to nothing anyway so why not start it nothing and just start it nothing and stay at nothing yeah break

through the desire to do something just sit with it sit and become what you are what you're looking for completely I say Francis says what's looking is what you're looking for was said it doesn't say what's looking and then 50 pages of requirement for you to go through to become what you're looking for it's what's looking right now is what you're looking for what is that buttressed if what's looking is what you're looking for what are

you going to be free from the looking for what what's looking now you'll be able to look for things that you can find like a latte some fans a date maybe of you're lucky yeah you'll find things you're looking for but if you're looking for watching you're never going to find it because that's what's looking is there going to be so fucking frustrated and if you didn't go to any kid stop sign

class and if you're so pissed this isn't as you're eight hundred meeting and you've gone on twenty fucking meet weeks and nothing really radically happens I would be fucking asking for my money back I was I can soak this Jesus crazy one thing junkies are very pragmatic if you should up shoot up shitty shit you know it's getting really fast you have an incredible eye of the surgeon nice shot coke I knew it was

good and like a half a second and I knew it was bad in about a half a second and my coke dealer didn't say it may take lifetimes of purification for you to get a good shot of coat rock Congrats I'm not going to fucking wait but we will for other paintings I haven't like the perfect business plan you can never pull the fucking formula to the mat because we will blame its

failure on you because of self sentence you will think that you haven't done enough when in this case there's nothing you've done more than enough if you think it was doing you've done more than enough it's always available all the time right now there's not one more inch you have to try to add on to it just lose interest in you and you can't lose interest in you as you that would be

interest in you yeah we have a statement in a it's like it's the most important statement in a book it says quit playing God all right it's okay so let's say what's playing God hears that so what's playing God hears quit playing God so now what playing God tries to quit playing God isn't that playing God and you can go on ad infinitum if the shoe fits wear it that's what's happening doesn't it

feel like them selves trying to get out of self and it doesn't seem to ever complete the mission it gets temporary reprieves only to reinforce the one that wants to get out more it's slavery really my job and I'm doing really good at it is to become obsolete I swear to god people now just call me every five years they don't come to any meetings anymore sometimes they just drive by yeah or they come

like this way to come and they come at the end that's the exactly their way any word before they came exactly the way they are at the meeting and they're exactly the way that so they're saving themselves we get done yeah I'm supposed to be obsolete any pizza worth their salt especially a non-duality should have a huge plan about Salinas in store because you would keep coming back year after year after year

unless for the joy of it that is non-duality that's not non-duality that's another practice and another process I don't want you to become I don't want to become obsolete the time you're in stuff because I love seeing them but if so be so be it so be it good and I know all of you cheat on me with other teachers noting or nada mysteriously everyone else unbelievable like it's like Mormon non-duality a lot

of polygamy going on perfectly there's a great story I don't know if it's true or not but I like it about robbing Omaha she and leave it's really beautiful and there was these followers of his old timers and they were talking and he came in the room and they asked him can we teach and he looked at him on and said yeah all of you can teach but I don't recommend it so

they were a little confused and they go why and he said compassion and they said can you explain he says yeah what's going to happen is you're going to be in front of a group of people and you'll have compassion for them and you'll dilute the message yeah so that it will fit into their mailbox instead of fucking just serving a spiritual subpoena and that's it yes you know the post yeah I feel

like I'm stalking it how to catch 22 where I get it I think like I recognized that this identity isn't real and trying to see for what is this injury away from it it's crazy and if I stop it seems to be nothing happening and I continue to feel like I need to do something who does those can always just that I do have that but it is and I can see

that it's not something real was asking it so you're basically getting nothing but that seen as less than something yeah stick with the nothing money it'll turn into everything really the best thing that happened with me is when the spiritual pants fell down I didn't pick them up so people would call me you missed a great teacher I said great oh are you going on that no that's fine and I abstained for a

while not I there was an ab staining of trying to get a turbocharged nothing or an extreme nothing and it's just ordinary dog shit awareness yeah people don't recognize it at all they just see was another custom on aisle three 7-eleven you're not exhibiting huge amount of shafts of rays of light maybe you kind of just wanted your way to being awake there's nothing fucking heroic any different fantastic so it's maybe just a belief

that something will change or yes your auntie yeah to stick with it and see that urge to get somewhere with it remember when you first got interested in traduced the non-duality I remember I started hearing it the first thing the mental state claimed it and try to take advantage of it and this I had a blatant example of it I was living in Australia and my girlfriend went out and she'd asked me to do

the dishes so when she came back the dishes were undone and then she called me on a call why didn't you do the dishes I said well there are there is no pole there's no bed fuck you doing the dishes yes so my head our first year or so tried to get advantage of it it's like ah you ever see a dentist desert tortoise a big tortoise in the desert well a

coyote will come upon it and we'll try to get fucking some meat after two minutes three minutes it can't get any meat it loses interest that's when everything gets really fucking good yes yes you see the mental state sniffing around seeing why they can get out of there when it realizes it does get gets absolutely nothing out of non-duality it will move away and it will feel like a huge disinterest that's the

interest now you're on to something now the interest has been sort of like sweat cream yeah and then it's just there and then that bareness picks up the bareness yes and nothing starts being everything and you get freed from the need even to have any experience of it you're totally available to accept things as they fucking are with no thought of effort just as an effect of entertaining yeah the last place I ever wanted

to be was here I've been trying to escape years since I was four years old first by reading fantasy things than by drinking than by using than by spirituality then getting probably not fail then by drinking again then back to spirituality all I wanted was to escape here and I finally found the greatest escape this is the wisdom of no escape yeah I cannot get out of an imagined every place the thing

I am Telling You we've all practice stuff and maybe we can find fault we didn't do enough we didn't go enough but one area of my life I did fucking perfectly and that's drug addiction I would match my devotion to drugs with any devotee in the history of spirituality the monkey guy whatever Hanuman I'm right up there I love fucking cocaine I did anything for it I take anything I had anything you had

and give it away I couldn't leave it if I stopped using I was progressed of any ability to entertain or enjoy anything I totally gave myself completely to it and you know what fucking happened in a radical way nothing you cannot transcend an imaginary place I've been trying to get out of here forever and it's never going to succeed because there's no here to get out of but you did come to see that

it's an imaginary place I did it but there was a seeing it's an imaginary place I have never come to anything okay meld I mean literally my action figure is in its own fucking pool swimming around it's doing its own little things though but there wasn't seeing no there is a serious thing this is an imaginary play now yes how does that happen because it's always happening are you wearing aware of it

at once seemingly exactly I just try to explain the whole thing that's exactly it if what is real believe something is real it's going to seem like it's fucking real we are the reality of course we turn it in a certain way you're the dreaming yeah but whatever it is if false evidence can appear real it has to have reality to appear real - because they can't get reality from anything fucking else than

us yeah this whole place is defined by its feeling which is seemingly so it can only appear to be so - what so there's only one or this non what so there is what is but in the what is what it can seem to be so to the what is back streaming we're in the dreaming right now that's why there is no illusion we see in it in a deluded manner or

we don't see in a deluded manner the illusion is projected there's no illusion there's no dream we're all of it we're all of it at all times yeah there is nothing that precedes you you are the seeing the buck stops there and it goes on infinitum I've seen that I've seen that yeah I've seen that there's all there is a scene incessantly so whatever appears in it is appearing in it but its appearance

is based on what it's appearing in and we are what everything is appearing in don't try to figure it out just and do not try to get this message just let it go in it's in already he'll do it feel I have total faith in it not even that there's no next that you do not have to get your mouth yes they don't don't even go there does there's no because right now we're

all in the recognition of what we are by seeing what we're not by seeing what I'm not that's what I am I am the see of all that I'm not yeah that's what I am I'm in an activity I never stopped to be what I am I'm being what I am yeah there's no way never it becomes B or the BR it's always being it's like if you go to the river

that there's a river around you let's say the Colorado River in America and you get a glass and you get some of the water you think you have some of the water of the Colorado River but you've missed the biggest essence which is the river even if you didn't capture the movement of the river you got the water but you don't have the movement and the movement is what makes the river it's

the river and witnessing like you said we rain hits us but we don't feel you see because we're trying to feel it as a noun we're trying to get the verb when we are the verb you with so the head is so stubborn about being something it can't entertain anything else other than from there so everything else has to be as something else to it if you if you see this as

and so everything is just what's happening that's why if everything is always happening how could have ever happened there would have been had to have a point where it wasn't happening for it to happen there is no point it's always happening so when someone has an event it's an event of what's always happening being translated in time that's all it is so you say something happens but in fact how could what's always happening actually

happen it can so if something happens what's revealed is it's always happening it totally negates the idea of something happen if the something happens that people are talking about its own happening negates that it happens because the dawning is it's always happening isn't it not one thing escapes its negation it dawns and it's always it's always been that way I mean always been that way yeah so immediately that indicates that it happened I mean how

else if you want to stop and plant plant a flag and say it happens you're missing or that what's always happening and I'm telling you we have this problem in a people get too many years and not enough days they think they Doc's over thirty fucking years ago but are they sober today are they in the act of sobriety people think something happened but are they verbing ly aware of it now if they

are if they have to admit it never happened and definitely there was no one for it to happen to you're free from that you're free from the need to be liberated what needs to be liberated is not you I swear you'll lose all interest in shit that's promising you something that you already are and you'll be you'll be engaged in finding your keys or whatever or getting a good lock pay or watching

you know bloodline or giving home something you'll you'll actually look for things you can find [Laughter] I mean and you'll be successful and it won't take lifetime is not going to take a lifetime to find the latte I could tell you to go to Ezra Pound Iran oh and you'll find a great Court and I'm not getting paid by Ezra Pound they should give you a free one tomorrow but you see it's seeing right

now dogshit awareness I'm telling you when I was out there looking spiritually if I saw me now from there that's why I was seeking the last thing I want to be is white where I seem to be now when I was in the spiritual seeking this was what was driving me to be ordinariness unspecial this fucking one of the many for none of the venue yeah that's the last thing I wanted

I want to have surrender on a cliff with long hair with the wind blowing and girlfriends and ex-girlfriends oh what a wonderful she's giving it all up no that's not how it turned out in a they told me go home and write in inventory what yeah that's what it was initiate a surrender this is totally ordinary it is boring his fucking hell in a sense you would much rather have an experience of being excessively

on than being excessively on from the mental state point of view it's much rather have a peak experience of finally feeling it's as excessively on than to be constantly on because it becomes the ordinary it becomes the norm yeah but if you missed it and then you could have it it would be one of the greatest performance you've ever had in this side but it's always available at all times it's like normal

yes I feel I like that because I've read the rock value and what you're looking is that one should be looking forward yeah and then I said like freedom from yep it says freedom as individuals and then just now experiences I was wondering like do you feel free from Paul or do you do you have peak experience great oh yeah oh yeah all of it yeah oh yeah I'm good guessing for sure this

is one of them but what is to see the Sun what yeah sure I don't have them but this shitty shit sure I mean uh I don't want to get too personal but man I'm involved in things that are bringing stuff that I thought had long past gone and they come arising because nothing ever goes because it was never year it just appears at times to us yeah so if I change the

situation things that haven't appeared will appear and the action figure the bass posture get the best posture it can have is its overwhelmed and it realized it's not managerial quality really that's work for me well yeah you don't get chipped at all but you feel free if you want to be people no I don't want to be free football that's the freedom football literally because I'm not Paul yeah no everyone sees me as

Paul you know I'm not Paul so Pauling continues look at all if I hadn't fool it like no I don't look at a much lost interest alone but we're all frauds you for sure but if you don't want to be a fraud you'll feel like one thousands of time yeah see the point is if you don't take a position you're not going to lose them so this was beautiful for me because ever

since I was speaking in a I knew it had nothing to do with me because I had a commitment every Monday night for like 16 years and some nights I had just lost my job five minutes before some nights my fairy princess had just broken up with me some nights I was waiting to hear by aids or not tons of different conditions I was in but if I was willing to take

the position something moved through me yeah so after and whatever condition that I thought was so important before the meaning would lose all influence during the meeting so then I realize how could it be real if it can seems to be so unreal so quickly yeah so I started to get a lot of let's say free samples about things yeah and what happened is from that point I see this as a seat assignment

I don't think I'm the teacher I don't believe in teachers I think that I believe in teachers of what you're not I don't believe in non-duality teaches because how can you teach what you are impossible and I'm not I'm worried about being the fraud because I am a fraud yeah and I have not turned in to the message the action figure isn't the physical embodiment of the message but it isn't it's a

fucking blind sided mistaken prone characters though yeah but it travels lighter cessful I think a lot of people mistake because we're self-centered we're body centered so we think when something's moving through someone it's down you know but it's like the fruit the fruit isn't found in the husk you know the Huskies they're too perfect to protect or something or whatever in case but it's not what's moving through yeah so it's easy in a way

because I never took a position of being someone in this I I had has taken many physicians and life thinking it was this and that but it's never never entertained that it was that which is speaking what's coming through which has been a real gift completely yeah yeah because if I owned it then I would think I've got something and then I would experience sooner or later that I lost it so not

yeah but if you don't have it you can't lose it yeah that's the beauty of it if you don't buy the first coin if you see each coin is two-sided no matter how many times you cut it so if you believe you achieve something you also believe you can lose them but if you don't believe you achieved it then the sense of losing it never comes up yeah so you're free from the

opposite by not buying the first one and I had nothing to do with it we just built in and just like when I was out there using I never cross the line of thinking I should get married to have kids just built in yeah where I saw a lot of my friends have kids and things didn't go well for the kids of them yeah but to me I never even thought

of crossing that line and in AEA was so beautiful the solution that was demonstrated when I was struck sober because the urge to use was removed and I haven't had a thought or a feeling about using or drinking for 29 years with no effort I don't need any skillful means that says nothing to fight I never have a thin thought about drinking or using sins ever yeah now that's a solution you know to

me the urge is removed now the self thing has a different type of urge it's necessary for this place to appear the way it is but let's say it's full all its blown up too much yet because without the selfing in a sense there would be none of this going on yeah so the selfing is a part and parcel of the Dreaming it's a mental process as nothing to do with you yeah

it's going to continue like it has because it was never based on you for its continuance see there was no self yet that was doing it and therefore there's notes there's not going to be a non-self when you stop studying you know I mean it doesn't it's not necessary for the selfing to stop yeah what happens is the selfie you've lost interest in the selfie and you and your interest has been fucking

invested somewhere else that's cited in the presence yeah so now you have immunity to yesterday and tomorrow because you just not fucking that interest in what's to happen I'm not interested in what's not happening I'm not comparing this talk to any other tour I don't think of trying to get into the moment because I realize I can't be out of a moment yeah I mean absolutely so there's no I never try to get

into a moment ever now and you never get gypped you're never missing a fucking venue yeah so now it's that but my underwear may be too tight now so I feel a little you know discomfort there does it me feeling me no it's just this comfort and but this comfort still there yeah and I'll take care of it later any more questions I want to get this cleared away just a message messenger thing

because it's a trap in a way if you believe someone has something you can believe you don't have it and every time you hear them speak about that it's still going to be that divide so there's going to be an inner conflict yeah that's already set up yeah the message is everyone has it but what you feel is they have it more than everyone else yeah so how is this going to

work and really able to receive the message cleanly it's just going to produce confusion even though the intent of the just to clarify things that clarification is going to make things even more unclear how its heard yes that's what happens don't pin it on anybody that they have a message look at people look at people who are proven by all you know by tons of research that they were frauds supposedly like Carlos Castaneda yet

those books remember those books Don Juan books a lot of people got taken off by those books yeah because it's not the person or the book it's the mind that's reading it and if the mind is what's dreaming it's like there's a statement in the bitten the Course in Miracles that says you and I are the dreaming of the dream and we're going to dream ourselves out of the dream and as we

do the dream we'll get happier so this is mine dreaming itself out of the dream that's what this satsang is yeah it's a it's an event in dreaming but the minds using the Dreaming to dream itself out of the dream yeah that's the beauty so the mind the mind perceives anything and everything it's what gives meaning to everything what everything does doesn't give meaning to it unless it believes in something that it's

the dreamt and then suddenly everything that you're dreaming now has the ability to affect you as the drem easily remedies when you see that which is it getting affected is it you does it change that this is getting affected no but there's a lack of interest in it that you could never make happen because that would be interest if you have a huge interest to produce a lack of interest that's an interest you

can't get out of it you have to lose interest in the system not try to lose interest as the system if you lose interest in the system it doesn't have the boomerang effect there's just loss of interest yeah and that's the most interest of all the most interest is what we call loss of interest that's the most richest interest is what the mental state would be called root to recall I'm losing interest in

everything fuckin hallelujah that's their interest in and nothing yeah the interest is nothing can be translated I'm losing interest in everything I'm losing fucking great see what it looks like when you lose interest in everything and now the interest is in nothing maybe everything will be seen totally different than it's being seen as now maybe you would see this is a possibility of expression not of achieving not of finding but expressing what could not

be lost yeah and in that realization that it can't be lost is a relaxation about it you're not focused you're dispersed yeah it's like beautiful art you see so much more when you're not focusing yeah your mind opens up you're in what they call induction relax the winds yeah you're not sending it on any missions it's just weird to do so that's that to me is travelling lighter yeah and the mental state

and the action figure is going to demonstrate what it's demonstrating but you'll see it instead of looking from it which is totally hugely different yeah the same thing will go on but if you see it is much different than when you're looking from yeah that's that so if you need another beating will be here at the bottleneck that bitch-slap should be given to you it's just like that Billy it's like I said this lab

that's what it's like you don't need a long drawn-out explanation all you need is to get hit yeah the feeling to have a sense of it because once you have a sense of it than the mind and entertainment the mind is very crippled here because a lot of stuff that it has to be triggered seeing the year by a possibility it has to hear the possibility to entertain the whole meal yeah you've got

to give it a little bite a little free sample then you can imagine the whole fucking dinner but without the sample all it does is it's now being funneled to conceptualize everything like the fucking make it like a frozen dinner yeah but if you get a taste which I believe sought saying is then you get that you taste the flesh and blood of it now you can entertain it as a living event yeah

not as a knowledge not as of something but as a living event again yeah you'll get a flavor it's like tactile yeah it's like crackling it's a sense of honest yeah yeah yeah the parking lot is visit put the attention or your interest on the I am would you say Vanessa cannot measure for the action figure well it could be a lot of things that matters who it is here or who it's

not yes so it could be this or it could be that yeah there's no Road answer because some people will do something and will produce a disservice others will do the same thing there'll be a great service it basically is where mind is that yeah so the I am I think he talks about the difference between consciousness and awareness yeah yeah thank you the lot of you I'm not confused with a lot of

people does it yeah well the consciousness is an activity and it's somewhat defined by what it's moving food yes where when this is the context yeah so people there's a who is it is there a wait is there an awareness of consciousness or is consciousness conscious of awareness you would see it more as an awareness of consciousness yep so the consciousness is an activity that awareness is aware of now when you try to turn

consciousness onto the awareness because consciousness conscious is somewhat defined here it probably doesn't work but when you see you're not the one who's conscious and you see consciousness as an activity that's the will awareness that's how awareness is again so then you get a sense of a context so the I M I think the I M would lead to I am NOT good and we get both don't you then yeah first go

to the I M and then the I am NOT and then need them but you can't get to neither from one of the other one has to get negated first so let's say the I M gets negated and it's I am NOT and then you're not that either yeah yeah you ever see Buddhism you run we wave away very conceptualize but he would talk about triple negation in Buddhism which is really beautiful

like Buddha said you neither born not not born or neither of those either yes so they always negation is always the way it has to go sooner or later because the whole point is there's an identification as a false reference so the false reference all it need is need to be negated by what so yeah and then suddenly you're not trying to get out of an onyx something has a non-existent thinning yeah but

I don't think anyone gets there to affirmation I think the only way you get there is by realizing there's no getting anywhere just by negating that which things has to get someone yeah so then the solution becomes always available at all times like where you want but not to you yeah that's the beauty of it okay that's it you've forgotten to throw there like that yeah dude yeah done I don't there's a

to question quota shit you can spend your second question though oh no there's no swapping head you want another one sure sure you got a time to you know if you don't ask it if it runs up like seems like you we go is like very direct sort of you know everything I read of course America thoughtfully through one like less than hundred twenty years of my bit it seems like I talk

about much more flowery stuff to talk about I felt like a translated world you mentioned happy dream yeah yeah then he said like it's not about the affirmation but it seems like it's full of that stuff but I guess I wondered well it's just distilled to what a whoever's weeding is simply for me I just like dog shits but yeah I don't like to see that I heard the flowery stuff and I heard

people like trying to describe the indescribable it just doesn't work with me I much rather go the negation round yeah because I truly believe the act of being identified as a self is the sort of the observation it's an activity yeah so by seeing what you're not by recognizing you're not that reference point then a new then the possibility of the reference point is pointless yeah always available right where you are becomes obvious yeah

so I use I was thinking you know I was going to do a lot of course talks but it always got I just shrink it down to I think the essence which is seeing the preoccupation with the verbal being active being identified as a self I think that's all you need to see but if you don't see that you'll be looking from its effects so you might as well yes if you miss

this it's like a shadow all the other way you go that's why some people would call it the problem and stuff like they give it emphasis to it because of its it's a influential effect yeah because if you start let's say you can buy all the maps to LA but if you made a mistake and you're thinking you're in Omaha and you're Miami if you follow those max max elegantly you're not going

to get LA because you missed it mistook where you're at now if you see you're not in LA or Omaha you'll lose interest in buying maps to LA because you're in LA so your scriptures will be a sentence like what's looking is what you're looking for that has diff dad has produced more downloads than 800 book pages of a book I saw a book at the store once it's it was 1200 pages

on consciousness but your conscious why would you want to read about what you are this is 1200 pages oh this makes no fucking sense why would you want to just have the highest point of knowledge when you're being what you'd like to have knowledge about and if you look at it what's knowing is never going to be known like all scientists they can study everything they freaking want to study but they can't study studying

nothing can get before that which is before yeah there's not there's never going to be a fear of the scene does just see so if that wanted you end of any search you've hit paydirt you've been resting in it you were rolling around in the Pater looking for Pater or like the man in the river selling water it's just like that joke but you we are we're like people in the river buying

one yeah we guess we think so much more wet than us [Laughter] yeah alright that's that [Applause] oh yeah Brenda's going to sing a song to you like yeah yeah don't you want to own a great friend how many people been waiting for the songs either Disney hey wake up and if you hear like a royal emulation after that oh yes thank you video donated goemon attorney appreciate it greatly I forgot the yes once of you

sit there and can we someone see you get her you might be no so speaking of someone who wants to describe the indescribable roomie do you like really yes yeah he got pretty close this is a a roommate poem set to music called I am in love with love another part where you can sing along will be singing Jada I am in love and love is in love with me my body's in love

when the soul and the soul is in love with my body [Music] ha ha [Music] I am in love is in love with me my body is in love with so and so is in love with [Music] radhe radhe radhe radhe get everybody Jenny Wiley righty-right Hey [Music] Hey [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] our ticket event let's see okay little Zeppelin now I just saw I did see something we can all sing to maybe let's see if I do I remember the words

to this one this so this this song's called falling away and the chorus is falling away falling away following voice if you'd like to sing that along with me and then we sing om namashivaya and shiva is this representation in the simplest way of describing it of transformation and just obliteration actually total destruction [Music] this is all I care ever yeah yeah well okay do me something like this everything a ball - everything I was

me now is giving way to something with no ball or identity this is all that ever has been ample have a motion see everything I thought time it ever since [Music] everything that has meaning anything that can be cleaned famous now of what it happened only one thing now that I could see what it is Thomas creamy really has no formal all the hands my heart protection everything I followed [Music] this [Music] Oh Oh I am Shivaya ah geez Shiva

Shankara now my Shiva Shiva Shiva Shiva Shankara [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] you [Music] my [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] everything I thought - everything follows me now he's given way to something with no phone or identity this is all that ever has been and the rebel movie everything I thought I happen everything is fine [Music] [Applause] again we never gave you a couple of devices and mobile for the week and next week and you can find it because that other than this Pablo from his couple of books

here at Harvard right if everybody's sake commentary involves better recovery so a couple of dishes collectors the like presented in each entry employer one thing - oh my gosh like not another one serving because I kind of start a collection of they're coming look see one for the Black Hawk [Music] 2010 yeah [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] look at all

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The message is going to that window it's not going to you because the talk about bigger mind to you goes nowhere yeah but if I talk to bigger mind about you it can go somewhere but if I keep talking to you about Minds it doesn't go freaking anywhere you think you know mind and knowing mind i...